Under a Gibbous Moon

Welcome to a segment that I like to call The Parade of Stupid Names. Today we will discuss the absolute lows that parents have come to in regards to naming their children in manners that will torment and scar them for many years to come.

Today, I took my daughter in for her nine month check up. Visiting a pediatrician’s office is a good place to hear the godawful names that some parents come up with (presumably while drunk). There was a little boy there whose parents are apparently travelers. They are such world treading people that they wanted to make sure everyone else knows it, so, of course, they name their son Rome. I’m sure he’ll be a hoot in geography class.

Then there was another poor kid named Jayden. Holy crap, why don’t you just name him Clay Aiken and be done with it. I mean there’s a reason why the studio changed John Wayne’s name from Marion.

Now the worst offender that I’ve heard of lately belongs to the sister of one of my wife’s friends (say that five times fast). She named her newest son Linkin, yes like the park… I mean band.

I’m not sure why some parents sit down and try to think of the stupidest, most off the wall name that they can think of for their children but I do have a theory. Just think of the one other thing were people sit down and think of the stupidest, most off the wall names: pets.

I believe that there are parents out there who think of their children in the same way they do their pets. It shows, too, like pets, they are all cute and cuddly when their born but eventually they grow up into loud, obnoxious beasts (teenagers) and by then their no fun anymore so their parents allow them to run wild around the neighborhood going in other people’s yards and impregnating their pets, I mean children.

OK. I’m done, I’ll dial back the crotchetiness a bit besides, it’s almost time for Matlock.

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